Handy objects, by Maxwilly and alysdexia; ranked by awesomeness, then deadliness or craft

Vehicles
Tank; Mech; Hover Tank
Stealth Bomber
Battleship
Lunar Rover; Pteranodon/Pterodactyl/Pterosaur
Lunar Lander (swiftest air vehicle)
Racecar (swiftest land vehicle)
Water Skis (swiftest water vehicle)
GAF

Artillery
Hand Cannon; Bazooka/RPG/Rocket Propelled Grenade; Grenade Launcher; EBL/OBL
Field Gun; Mortar
Service Rifle; Gatling Gun/Nordenfelt Gun/Minigun; Machine Gun; Rifle/Sniper Rifle
Man Cannon; Cannon; Turret; Space Gun
Flare Gun; Flamethrower
Freeze Ray; Electroshock Gun/Electrostatic Gun/Stungun; Shrink Ray; Blaster/Laser Gun/Lazer Gun/Ray Gun; Wizard Staff
Spell Book; Medusa Head; Necronomicon
Mind Control Device

Explosives (thrown and stationary):
Two One Seven; Nuke
Bomb; ICBM/Missile/Inter Continential Ballistic Missile
Land Mine
Time Bomb/IED/Cfour/Plastic Explosive; Nitro; Grenade

Magic
Blue Magic; Earth Magic; ElectricBlack Magic; Shrink Magic; Green Magic; BlackElectric Magic; Red Magic/Magic Missile

Melee objects
Chainsaw
Ax/Axe/Battle Axe; Bill (weapon)
Laser Sword/Lazer Sword
Flameberge/Flame Sword/Flaming Sword; Broadsword/Longsword/Sword
Flexiblesword; Hook
Knife/Kunai; Bayonet; Scimitar
Shovel(...)

Beasts
Edison
Jabberwock; Dragon; Hydra
Sand Worm; Cthulhu/Cthulu; Shoggoth
Medusa; Blob/Ooze/Slime; Basilisk (creature)/Cockatrice
Siren (creature); Scylla

Miscellaneous
Time Machine
Teleporter
Briar/Stinkweed/Thistle/Thorn; Caltrop/Spike Strip; Spiked Crusher
Stuff
Wetsuit; Oxygen Tank; Air Tank; Rebreather
LOLWUT
Fifth Cell
Helmet (I don't think AC is implemented.)
Bulletproof Vest (doesn't work!)